The cost of togetherness

Milton Brasher-Cunningham's picture

From Milton Brasher-Cunningham's blog

I had just settled in at my table at Mad Hatter’s Bake Shop when Ginger and the news that Manny Ramirez had been traded by the Red Sox to the Dodgers (Manny’s playing for Joe Torre!) arrived at the same time. Over the past few days, Manny has made it clear he wanted out of Boston – more emphatically than his past yearly outbursts – and he got his wish. As he prepared to fly from coast to coast, Ginger was driving a homeless family from the day shelter to the church where they will eat dinner and sleep. On cots. Until someone comes back to drive them to the day shelter again in the morning.

The family was made up of a single mother, who is expecting, and her two-year-old daughter, whom Ginger wanted to bring home. Together, they live a life over which they have little control. The woman said the folks at the shelter offered to give her a weekend pass and she answered, “Where would I go?” She has no means of transportation, nowhere to stay, very little money, and a two year old. The life she’s living may offer her a way out of homelessness eventually, but right now it’s a hard and lonely road.

Part of the reason Manny wanted to be traded was he thought he could make more money as a free agent next year rather than letting the Red Sox pick up the option to extend his contract for two more years. For twenty million dollars. A year.

Ginger and I are both unabashed Manny fans. We’re sad to see him go. I love watching him play because he truly loves playing the game. And he plays hard, even including the “Manny being Manny” moments. Who else will ever climb the outfield wall, catch the fly ball, high five the fan on the front row of the bleachers, come down grinning, and throw the runner out at second to make the double play?

When it comes to the money, Ginger says she cuts him some slack because he grew up in poverty in the Dominican Republic and then joined his parents in New York City (still in poverty, I presume) until he was drafted out of high school by the Cleveland Indians. According to the biography on his website, all Manny ever wanted to do was play baseball. His dad used to take his dinner to the ballpark to make sure he ate. His talent and tenacity offered him a way out of poverty. Even though he has made almost $150 million cumulatively in his career, it appears he isn’t sure it’s enough at some level.

I suppose the obvious connection to make is Manny could build a lot of homes for people like the woman in the shelter, but that ought to be a conclusion Manny comes to on his own, not one I offer here. If all I did with my blog was to tell other folks how to live their lives better, I would change the name to something like “Sit Up Straight and Finish Your Spinach,” rather than “Don’t Eat Alone.”

The connection, for me, is about community. For those of us who consider themselves citizens of Red Sox Nation, Manny was one of the ties that bound us. His enthusiasm for the game gave us reason to cheer. The way he dropped his bat and followed the ball when he hit a home run had less to do with being cocky than it did with his love of the game. You could see it in his eyes: a child like sense of wonder. He had fun playing ball and we had fun watching him. The reality of the business side of baseball, which hits home in the terse transition of his departure, makes that sense of togetherness very tenuous.

And togetherness is tenuous, whatever the game.

As many people as it takes to provide the day shelter and the transportation and the meals and the place to sleep, the woman Ginger drove tonight feels alone. When offered the chance to get away for the weekend, she didn’t say, “Great. I can go stay with my friend.” She doesn’t get to feel together; she is only reminded that life is out to get her.

Strange how a couple of spaces can change what the letters can mean.

Manny’s gone because of money. The woman Ginger met is sleeping on a cot in a church parish hall because of money, or lack of it. When Manny’s contract expires, one of the questions that will show up on the sports shows will be, “Is Manny worth $20 million?”

The answer is, “No.” No one is worth twenty million dollars, whatever they do.

The question, slightly altered, that needs to be asked as we gather in our communities of faith, or wherever we meaningfully come together is: what are the people around us worth?

Let me ask it this way: aren’t they worth more than cots and soup kitchen lines and food stamps and humiliating anonymity? Aren’t they worth our figuring out how to pay whatever bills need to be paid to let them be a part of our togetherness?

The questions sound rhetorical until I look at the way our lives get lived out. As I listened to Ginger talk about her conversation with the woman this afternoon, I realized much of what I do, when it comes to reaching out to those folks who are being trampled by life for any number of reasons is because I want to help, but I don’t necessarily do what I do in a way that lets them know I want to include them. When Ginger finished her conversation, the woman said, “I think I would like to come to your church,” and Ginger offered to help her figure out transportation.

Togetherness is not a myth, nor is it a given. In Jesus’ parable of the Great Banquet (one of my personal favorites), the king tells the servants to go out and compel people to come in until the hall was filled. When the disciples questioned if the five loaves and two fishes would be enough to feed everyone, Jesus told them to just start feeding people and trust they would have enough. The way I’ve always imagined the scene is, as the boy’s lunch was passed and the unabashed sharing became obvious, others who had food of their own thought, “Well, I could share my lunch,” and the next thing they knew they had leftovers. When I watch how inclined we are to hang on to what’s ours, I have no doubt that meal was a miracle.

The stories I’ve heard today have reminded me of the value of togetherness.

And the cost, which is whatever we have to share – which is everything.

Peace,
Milton

 

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Comments

Gordon Atkinson's picture

The problem with communities

The problem with communities is, of course, that they are filled with people. This is some kind of cosmic joke or maybe the whole thing will turn out to have been a kind of spiritual boot camp. Nothing is ever the way it should be. We get quiet in church and some child will start acting up. You can take the children out of worship, but that spoils things in a different way. You get a community going and then someone leaves for a silly reason and takes their marbles with them. Or the intimacy finally brings a hidden conflict to the surface between two people who were doing okay until they started sharing meals and sharing a lawnmower.

We have a woman in our church - a Katrina survivor - who is just determined to always be poor. Nothing good can happen that she can't sabotage, not windfall arrives that she can't spend on DVDs only to be out of money at the end of the month. When Jesus said the poor will always be with us, he said a mouthful. What is our community to this person? She can never take her place as a full member of the community because she sees herself as a child.

So, we let her be a child. We don't enable. We let her struggle, helping out now and again. We give rides to church but no money that she can spend poorly. We give her occasional food vouchers and rides to the doctor, but not rides everywhere. We limp along.

That's the best community can be this side of heaven, I'm afraid. Community is a great idea, like finally gathering together in Jerusalem next year. And like the mythical Jerusalem gathering, it just never quite happens. But still we believe. Still we hope.

Milton Brasher-Cunningham's picture

Gordon, When we lived in

Gordon,

When we lived in Boston and encountered homeless people all the time, our boundary was to give them food, but not money. I asked a guy one day if he wanted a cup of coffee and a muffin and he said, "Coke and a brownie?" When I went into the coffee shop to get his food, it looked so good I got one for me, too, and we sat on the curb and ate our treats together.

I don't think we can think of community as an option. Life and faith are both team sports, which means there is a certain, "You, again?" component that is difficult to live with. And we have to live with it.

Thinking about the woman you mentioned, what struck me is we are just now coming up on three years since Katrina and, as I'm sure you remember from your CPE days, a healthy grief process takes anywhere from eighteen months to three years. I wonder how much of her childishness is grief?

Peace,
Milton

Thanks for your words about

Thanks for your words about baseball, Manny, community and the contradictions that pay some millions and throw others out to fend form themselves on our mean streets. I remember Manny from the early days back in Cleveland when I was doing urban ministry on the near West Side and my youngest daughter served him ice cream at a stand downtown. He was shy and humble back then - a damn fine ball player - but he had no idea he would be worth 20 million dollars. We still have the ball he autographed back in the humble days. I am sorry he is gone... but I am sad and angry that so many of our friends sleep under bridges or on cots in churches. A former food bank manager said it best back in Tucson: We used to be a nation that was ashamed to have soup kitchens back in the 30s - now we are proud of them - and the government depends upon them as part of the unfunded social safety net. We got it wrong because instead of spending all that time and money gleaning and creating distribution places for hand outs, we should have been fighting for jobs and housing and mental health treatment. Man, was he ever right...

John Hamilton's picture

Hey, Milton, thanks for

Hey, Milton, thanks for wrestling with this. Where the rubber hits the road for me is not at $20M but considerably less. Yeah, lots of people make more than my family. But, the hard truth is, lots of people make less, way way less if you start counting people in other countries. I read in the Bible that when the people gathered manna, no one had too much, no one had too little. Clearly communism doesn't work, the example of the early church notwithstanding. But, seeing that $200,000 or $200M is not enough, we're discovering the flaws in capitalism, too. Gandhi said, Poverty is the worst form of violence. Maybe we need cadres of Jesus followers who seek not only to live in peace but also to live as simply as possible, lest they consume that which belongs to others. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts.

Milton Brasher-Cunningham's picture

John Vocabulary is a powerful

John

Vocabulary is a powerful tool. When we look of those trapped in poverty as not simply the victims of misfortune but as victims of violence, it changes the picture. Thanks.

Peace,
Milton

Larry Vaughan's picture

Milton, "And togetherness is

Milton,
"And togetherness is tenuous, whatever the game." If that didn't have so many words I'd make that my next tattoo! As always, thanks for sharing your words.